Hello dear friend.
It’s been too long
since you’ve
shared the warmth
of your
gentle embrace.
I hope you, too,
enjoyed the
time we spent
together this day,
walking,
playing,
laughing,
running,
making memories.
Thank you
for stopping by
today and
offering this taste
of what’s to come
as we spend
more and more
time
together.
I have a few other ideas I considered for this poem. I’m curious, before playing with them in any sort of revisions, what your thoughts are. Does this work? It’s simple, but too simple? Most of my ideas come in the form of additions to this poem, but I’d be curious about thoughts on how it’s currently arranged and if I should exclude some of what I have. Thanks! 🙂
This post was written as part of a monthly challenge sponsored by Two Writing Teachers, to encourage writing and community.
The goal is to write a Slice of Life entry each day throughout the month of March.
I wasn’t sure if it was a romantic friend, or a friend friend.
” warmth
of your
gentle embrace” made me think it was romantic
Does your poem say what you want it to day? Your the boss. Add or take away at your pleasure.
No, I don’t think it is too simple. There may be some words that you can cut, to make it sound more precise.
Read the poem again, after taking out,
“this day”, on line 10, and “today” on the third line in the third stanza. You can leave “and” alone on the third line, it creates suspense.
It is all yours 🙂 just suggestions.
Thats makes me really want to just go outside and be in the sun! I think that it really captures the idea of the warm weather we have been having lately, I could paint a picture of outside, and a big, bright sun out! It’s really good Mrs. Cornwell!:)
I think this poem is just right; simple, but not too simple. I like how you don’t mention that it is about the warm weather and I think that you did a great job because we can all relate to what you were writing about. I think this poem is good how it is, but you are the author and if you feel that it needs something, than make sure you put the revised version as a post so we can see how it turns out!(: